By Saff Mitten

Infertility can put intense pressure on relationships, in ways that are often hard to talk about.

Common relationship challenges arising from infertility

These are some of the relationship issues that are very common when facing infertility, and which often come up in therapy. You might recognise one or several of them.

1. Increased conflict or tension
You may find yourselves disagreeing more than usual — not just about fertility decisions, but about everyday things. This can be a sign that stress is building up and finding its way into your interactions.

2. Feeling misunderstood or emotionally alone
You might feel like your partner doesn’t fully grasp how hard this is for you — especially if you’re the one undergoing treatment or carrying the physical burden. Even if they care deeply, their way of coping might feel distant or disconnected.

3. Emotional withdrawal or shutdown
Some partners struggle to express their feelings or may seem emotionally unavailable. This can be misread as indifference, when in reality it’s often a protective response to feeling helpless or overwhelmed.

4. Changes in intimacy
Because of the focus on outcomes, it's common for sex to start to feel mechanical, pressured, or emotionally disconnected - especially when it’s tied to treatment schedules or performance anxiety. This can lead to frustration, avoidance, or a sense of loss.

5. Silent blame or resentment
You might find yourself blaming your partner for not being more supportive, for not initiating conversations, or even for the fertility challenges themselves. These feelings are valid and often rooted in pain, but they can quietly erode trust and connection if left unspoken.

6. Questioning the future of the relationship
In moments of deep stress, you might wonder whether your relationship can survive this. That doesn’t mean it’s doomed. It means you’re under immense pressure, and your emotional resources are stretched thin.

Why these reactions are so common

Infertility can have a massive impact on almost all areas of life. It is not just a medical journey, it’s an emotional and relational one. It can stir up grief, shame, fear, and longing. It can highlight differences in coping styles, communication habits, and emotional needs. And it often brings up deeper questions about identity, worth, and belonging. None of this means your relationship is broken. It means you’re trying to survive something incredibly difficult - often without a shared language for what’s happening and with different ways of coping.

How therapy can support you to personally deal with the impact on your relationship

Individual therapy offers a space just for you. To be open, honest, and to feel supported and validated. I work with women suffering from infertility and I truly understand what its like to be going through this. I aim to provide a safe space where you can be no holds barred in what you express, without needing to protect your partner or anyone else.

Together, we can explore:

• What infertility is bringing up for you emotionally
• What thoughts you are having about your partner and the relationship
• How it’s affecting your sense of self and your relationship
• The patterns you’re noticing in communication and connection
• Ways to express your needs more clearly and compassionately
• How to reconnect with your partner from a place of emotional clarity

This work isn’t about fixing your relationship from the outside. It’s about supporting you to feel more grounded, understood, and emotionally equipped, which can naturally shift how you relate to and understand your partner during such a difficult phase in your life.

If you would like to learn more about how I support women with infertility and IVF, you can read more here.

Pregnancy Envy is Normal When Facing Infertility

By Saff Mitten

The constant stream of pregnancy announcements, baby bumps and baby showers,  can feel like a relentless assault when you're navigating infertility.

Everyone is talking about joy and excitement. But for you, seeing those perfect little ultrasound photos or hearing about another friend getting pregnant, seemingly easily, might trigger something else entirely: a sudden, sharp, and deeply unwelcome feeling of pregnancy envy.

And then comes the shame.

If you’ve felt that painful tug of jealousy, quickly followed by the thought, "What kind of horrible friend am I?" - stop right there. We need to talk about this.

Why We Don’t Talk About It

Pregnancy envy and fertility envy are emotions people rarely, if ever, admit to feeling. It can feel dark, mean, and goes against the societal expectation that we must always be happy for others, especially those we care about.

Because of this, it becomes a secret source of shame. We bottle it up, put on a brave face, and silently struggle with the guilt of feeling a complicated mix of sadness for ourselves and a very real tinge of jealousy, envy or even resentment toward others.

You Are Not a Bad Person - You Are Human

Let's be perfectly clear: feeling pregnancy envy does not make you a bad friend, a bad person, or someone undeserving of motherhood.

It makes you human.

This emotion is a totally normal and understandable response to a very difficult situation. Infertility is a chronic grief. When you are dealing with profound loss, disappointment, and the sense that your body is betraying you, seeing others achieve your most longed-for goal, seemingly with ease, is agonizing and like a slap in the face.

Those feelings of envy, jealousy, and even, at times, anger or resentment, are the raw, protective reactions of a hurting heart. They stem from a place of deep pain and longing, not malice.

Your feelings are valid.

What Pregnancy Envy Really Is

When you feel that pang, it’s not really about the pregnant person. It’s about what they represent

• Loss: The loss of the life you pictured for yourself—the easy, assumed path to parenthood.
• Injustice: The deep, frustrating feeling that the world is unfair and that you are being punished.
• Yearning: The acute pain of watching your own dream be realized by someone else while you wait, month after month, cycle after cycle, sometimes through rounds of IVF or other treatments.

This is a form of infertility grief, and you deserve compassion for going through it.

Creating a Safe Space for Difficult Emotions

The most crucial step in managing these feelings is acknowledging them. You need and deserve a safe space to express what you are truly feeling and have it acknowledged as normal, not shameful.

This is often where professional support comes in. A therapist who specialises in infertility can offer that safe, confidential space where:

• Your feelings are validated: There is no judgment. We understand that this is a gut-wrenching experience.
•  Coping strategies are developed: We can explore ways to manage the emotional triggers and protect your mental health while still maintaining healthy relationships.
• Grief is processed: We can work through the layers of grief that underpin the envy, allowing you to move toward acceptance and peace.

If the struggle to be happy for others is consuming your energy, leading to social isolation, or causing intense distress, please know that you do not have to carry this burden alone.

If you would like confidential support from a therapist who really understands the complexities of the infertility journey, please reach out. You deserve to be seen, heard, and supported through every difficult emotion this path brings.

If this article resonated with you…

I'm Saff Mitten, a specialist counsellor and psychotherapist supporting women through IVF, infertility and miscarriage.

My approach is shaped by my professional training and experience, together with the personal understanding I bring from my own journey through IVF, infertility and miscarriage.

Through both my therapeutic work and my writing, I explore the emotional and psychological impact of these experiences to help women make sense of feelings that can often be difficult to put into words and feel less alone.

If you're looking for support with infertility, IVF or miscarriage, you can follow the link below to learn more about how I support women through these experiences. I work online and support women across the UK.

Learn how I can support you →